Lifestyle Feature: What You See Is What You Get

“He said he loved me but we don’t spend any time together”. “She said that she is totally into me yet she has postponed every date”. “Why am I the one that always initiates a phone call”?

These are just a few of the statements and questions that come up when you are trying to pursue a relationship with someone that is focused more on their career than their personal relationships. What makes someone stay in a one sided relationship (note, this does not pertain to married folks)? Perhaps the initial attraction was the person’s drive and determination in their career? Often the idea is that they will be as driven in a relationship. Maybe you thought that the apple of your eye would change once they got in a relationship only to realize that your assumptions are leaving you feeling less than satisfied with your partners lack of time and attention.

What is abundantly clear is most people that stay in one-sided relationships ignore or deny what is actually occurring. There is a tendency to let the imagined relationship (the one in their head) override the actual relationship. The career minded individual might have articulated a desire to be in a relationship, however their behavior communicates a different set of priorities.

If you are dating a driven career focused individual, consider these tips as you figure out your next move:

  1. Understand THE REAL PRIORITY is the thing that everything else must bow down to. When the articulated priority doesn’t line up with the demonstrated priority, trust what you see not what their mouth says.
  2. Resist the urge to justify or excuse away the behavior that is demonstrated. When we want something bad enough we are often guilty of ignoring the red flags. We usually end up justifying unacceptable behavior.
  3. Ask yourself, “If the situation never changed could this be my life”?  Be willing to answer the tough questions that your heart wants to avoid. The heart prefers the dream world to reality.
  4. You are not the Holy Spirit.   You cannot initiate any change of heart that is made. The other person must be able to acknowledge and change their own behavior
  5. Make your intentions clear. Do not be afraid to state what you want and be willing to walk away if you realize the other person is not willing or able to prioritize the relationship.

All relationships have seasons where you may give more than you receive. If you’re feeling left out in the cold more often than not, it is time to reevaluate. What you see is really what you get!